


Fourteen

by bydayorbynight



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Alex Manes Loves Michael Guerin, Alex Manes Needs a Hug, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Fluff, High School, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Jesse Manes is His Own Warning, M/M, Michael Guerin Loves Alex Manes, POV Alex Manes, Pre-Canon, Slow Burn, Suicidal Thoughts, Teen Malex, Teenagers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-29
Updated: 2021-01-10
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:47:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 12,868
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27772510
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bydayorbynight/pseuds/bydayorbynight
Summary: Fourteen-year-old Alex Manes is devastated when his best friend Kyle turns from friend to foe in the first weeks of high school. But everything changes when Alex meets a curly haired (alien) boy in the tool shed behind his house one rainy night. What started as a friendship by circumstance blossoms into something more as they explore what it means to be young and in love.—The Malex high school AU where Alex and Michael get to fall in love and be happy. Canon-compliant backstories until 2004-ish.
Relationships: Michael Guerin/Alex Manes
Comments: 98
Kudos: 114





	1. Cabin Fever

**Author's Note:**

>   
>    
> 

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex experiences his first kiss and first heartbreak, all in one night.

_Freshman year, Fall 2004_

The cabin was rustic and quaint, a peaceful getaway miles from the bustle of Roswell. But once Kyle pulled the spare key out from under an unassuming log, the party was on. Maria grabbed the cheap beers she had swiped from the Wild Pony out of the trunk, and the six of them, Alex, Max, Liz, and Rosa included, crashed into the living room, giddy on this temporary freedom.

Rosa, the oldest at sixteen, had steered the Evanses’ BMW to the cabin with a confidence her driving skills did not warrant. Mr. and Mrs. Evans were out of town for the weekend, but Isobel had taken it upon herself to throw her own slumber party at home, no boys allowed, and yes, it was invite-only. Kyle was the one who suggested his father’s cabin. Through a series of elaborately constructed lies, their parents were none the wiser.

Alex sat quietly on the sofa, sipping his lukewarm beer. It tasted bitter and watered down, but maybe that was what growing up was like, stomaching distasteful things for the promise of something better in return. Taking in the scene of his classmates, friends, laughing, drinking, he felt—normal? Maybe this was what it was like to be a teenager. It was only the first week of high school. He hoped it was the beginning of something new.

“Did you guys see there’s a new kid in our grade?” Maria asked.

“Oh yeah, he’s in my chem class!” Liz supplied. “Michael, right?”

“Ooh, did you guys have... _chemistry_?” Maria crooned as Liz punched her lightly in the arm.

“Ew, no, it wasn’t like that!” Liz squealed.

“Yeah, that’s Michael. He’s cool,” Max chimed in.

“You know him?” Maria asked.

“Yeah, we hang out sometimes.”

“Oh shit, is this the kid that was with you when you and Izzy were found in the desert? My mom told me about that.” Kyle said.

“Uh, yeah, that was us.”

Kyle was funny and charming, collecting laughs from the group like currency. During family outings, Kyle and Alex were inseparable—Michelle Valenti often joked that they had actually been conjoined twins—but here he radiated the kind of magnetism that one could only achieve by holding court in a living room full of teenagers. Alex liked Kyle, always wanted to be closer to him, to the point where his feelings scared even himself. Kyle was a comfort, warm and familiar. But as much as he wanted to jump into the stream of conversation, he and Kyle were always better one-on-one.

Maria screamed out as Rosa turned on her iPod and placed it in a glass, pulling Liz into an impromptu dance of beer-loosened limbs. Things were blurring at the edges, faces coming in and out of focus, the room knocked off its axis.

Then the empty glass bottle was spinning, spinning, spinning, pointing towards Maria as Liz looked up and grinned, crawling towards her on the floor to plant a quick kiss on her lips.

“It’s your turn, Alex,” Liz said. If not for the 5% ABV now coursing through his veins, he would have been a lot more hesitant, freaked out even, but instead, as if receiving an immutable direct order, he reached for the bottle and gave it a wobbly spin.

It landed somewhere between Maria and Kyle, who immediately yelled, “That’s definitely on Maria again!” Liz leaned over the bottle and stated with conviction, “It’s Maria!” And the group exploded with laughter for the umpteenth time.

Maria looked expectant, and after all, she was a friend, a good friend. The alcohol was all the momentum Alex needed to lightly touch his lips to hers as the room cheered.

The group lost interest after a few more chaste kisses, and the game dissolved into drunken conversation.

It was getting hot. Alex slipped out the front door, saying to no one in particular, “I’m gonna get some fresh air.”

The sky was a dark, dusty blue and the brightest stars were just starting to fade in, the late summer breeze becoming interspersed with a faint chill. Alex sat on the porch, trying to shake away the dazed feeling in his head.

“Hey, you okay?” The door opened and Kyle sat down next to him.

“Yeah, this is fun.”

Kyle grinned. “Yeah, it is.”

“I can’t believe I kissed Maria.”

“I think she likes you.”

Alex wanted to ask, “Do you?” He had never kissed anyone before tonight. Kissing Maria had been...nice. It felt good to connect with a person like that. But now, feeling Kyle’s thigh against his, his body felt aflame in an entirely different way. Kyle, with his long, brown eyelashes and kind smile. Their faces were so close. It was just like the game, right? He leaned in closer, intent on landing the right person this time.

Then the door swung open and Rosa was in full view, unlit cigarette in hand. “Oh, sorry,” she said nonchalantly, as Kyle leapt up and yelled, “What the hell are you doing?” before running back inside. Alex buried his head in his knees.

By Monday morning, everyone knew. And Alex learned what it was to have your heart break for the first time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter inspired by White Houses by Vanessa Carlton, which coincidentally did come out in 2004.
> 
> For the worried, Malex is coming, I promise.
> 
> Comments are, as always, appreciated from the bottom of my emo heart.


	2. Petrichor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex finally meets the new kid in an unexpected place.

Alex made his way to the shed behind his house, his tears finding refuge in the rainwater coming down in heavy droplets. One day, he vowed, his father wouldn’t get to him like this, but today was not that day. For now, he just needed to get out of the house so no one could hear him cry, which would just make it a thousand times worse. The shed had become something of a second home. Blindly pushing through the wooden door that he usually kept locked, he found himself face to face with a wide-eyed boy, curly hair weighed down by the rain.

The boy scrambled to his feet and grabbed his backpack to go. “Sorry, I was just taking a walk in the neighborhood and it started to rain so I ran in here, thought it was abandoned. I’m leaving, you never saw me.”

The new kid. Though they shared no classes, Alex recognized his face from the hallway. Michael Guerin was in his shed. Through the shock, he finally mustered, “Um, it’s 10 pm.” 

Michael was halfway out the door but turned his head to say with a wry smile, “No, they don’t know where their children are, and they could care less.”

It was easy to blame the rain on both their sorry-looking states, but Alex could see that Michael’s face was flushed, his eyes rimmed in red. 

“Um, it’s still raining pretty hard. You can stay, if you want. Nobody really comes here.”

Alex thought he heard a small sigh of relief escape Michael’s lips. “Um, are you sure? I don’t wanna get you in trouble or anything.”

“It’s fine, my dad’s already asleep.”

“Okay...thanks,” Michael said hesitantly.

Alex wrestled between going back to the house or staying in the shed with a stranger who probably wanted to be just as alone as he had originally wanted to be. But with the devils he knew, he was willing to take a chance on one he didn’t.

“As long as you’re cool with me being here, too. I...wasn’t planning on going back tonight,” Alex said quietly.

Michael nodded as if reading between the lines. “Yeah, of course.”

Alex was relieved that neither seemed to be in the mood for conversation. The two curled up into separate corners of the shed and eventually fell asleep to the rhythmic taps on the roof.

The next morning, sun had broken through the clouds, but the place still smelled like rain. And Michael was gone.

* * *

The last bell of the day rang and Alex made his way to his locker. He had managed to avoid Kyle all day, but the creative work of juvenile teardowns had been successfully delegated to many more in the last few weeks. Just as he was closing the locker door, he felt a tap on his shoulder and quickly spun around to retort, “If you don’t get the fuck away from me...”

It was Michael, who held his hands up in front of him.

Alex breathed deeply, willing his misplaced anger away. “Sorry, I thought you were someone else.”

Michael looked surprised, then relieved. “Oh, okay. I wasn’t sure.”

“What do you want?”

“Um, nothing. Just wanted to say thanks, I guess? For letting me stay.” He paused. ”I’m Michael, by the way. Michael Guerin.”

“Alex. Yeah, no worries.”

“You, uh, walking home right now?” Michael asked.

“Uh, yeah. I live pretty close.”

Michael smiled. “I think I know where you live now.”

Alex looked flustered. “Right.”

“I’m, uh, going that way too.”

“Okay,” Alex said, and they started walking out of the school and into the neighborhood.

As they walked side by side past rows of houses, some more well-manicured than others, Michael pierced the weighted silence. “I just need to get away sometimes, you know?”

Alex turned towards him. “Yeah, I know what you mean. My dad is...he can be kind of a hard ass.”

“Honestly, I’d probably take that over what I’ve got going on right now,” Michael said, thinking about what it would be like to have real parents, even parents who were hard on him.

Alex’s eyes took on a stony expression. “No, I don’t think you would.”

Michael’s face fell immediately. “Sorry, that was stupid to say.”

“It’s fine.” Alex sighed. “Sounds like we’re both having the time of our lives, huh?” He managed to crack a smile.

Michael laughed. “Yeah, sounds like it.”

They stopped in front of Alex’s house. As they stood on the sidewalk, Alex shrugged out of his backpack and started to rummage through it before handing Michael a key.

“The shed is usually locked, I guess I forgot to lock it last time. You can take this, I have another one at home. Just for, you know, if you ever, um, need it.”

“Oh, that’s...”

“No one will notice, especially at night.”

Michael’s first instinct was to protest some more, but something deep down stopped him. “Thanks.”

“See ya later, Guerin.” Alex gave him a small wave before walking into his house and closing the front door.

Michael stared down at the key in his hand and smiled. He could unlock doors just fine without it, but it was nice to know he was finally welcome, somewhere.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter, and future parts of the story, inspired by Thirteen by Big Star, which has been beautifully covered by Elliott Smith and Karen O. of the Yeah Yeah Yeahs as well.
> 
> As always, thank you for reading and commenting.


	3. Pool Boys

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex and Michael ditch school to go to the pool.

It had been over a week since Alex had given Michael the key. Sometimes he lay in bed wondering if Michael was just a few yards away, taking up the offer at that very moment.

They hadn’t spoken since then, but his ears perked up at the sound of Michael’s name floating out of the ether of idle cafeteria chatter. Apparently he had been caught making out with Lindsay in the janitor’s closet. Just what he needed, Alex thought, another Lothario for a friend.

Not that Michael was a friend. It was more that they had been...bound by circumstance? In any case, he figured Michael was maybe too busy to make friends these days.

“Earth to Alex,” Maria sang, waving a plastic fork in front of his face.

Maria, had been crestfallen, of course, when Alex confided in her that the rumors were mostly true, but her disappointment was swiftly eclipsed by her white-hot rage at Kyle’s truly reprehensible behavior. After all, crush aside, Alex was still her friend, and she would defend him to the bitter end. They had huddled over the computer in the school library to look up how to hex another person but were pretty sure the spells hadn’t worked as intended.

“The Harvest dance? We’re going, right?”

Alex shook his head, smiling. “Mmm, no, no way.”

“Come on!” Maria smiled slyly. “Who knows, they might even play My Chemical Romance for the slow dance part.”

Alex laughed and shook his head again. “As if the student council had any taste in music. And anyway, it’s not like I have someone to dance with.”

“You have me.” Maria said, throwing an arm around him. “Unless...you’ve got someone else in mind.”

Alex hoped this was an offhand remark, and not the latent psychic abilities Maria had been telling him about which he absolutely did not believe in.

“Nope. Nobody.”

* * *

Kyle fake-coughed loudly to veil the slur he uttered as he shoulder-checked Alex in the hallway, his buddies howling beside him. Alex’s blood pressure rose, but he couldn’t think of a comeback fast enough.

“Valenti, your fly’s down,” a voice called from behind him. Kyle’s hands shot to his crotch, turning to see who it was before sputtering a bewildered, “Fuck you!” and tripping on his untied shoelaces.

“Just trying to help!” Michael yelled after him.

When he had turned the corner, Michael approached Alex and grinned. “Man, that guy’s a mess, huh?”

Alex was slow to smile, but it was kind of funny. Strange, really, for a meticulous Kyle to be so disheveled. “Yeah, he’s a tool.”

“Yeah, fuck that guy. Wanna get outta here?”

There was still one period left in the school day, but they descended the front stairway into the wide open afternoon. As they walked farther and farther away from school, it was clear they weren’t going home either. They were nowhere and it was fine, each buoyed by the other’s company. Soon they were passing by a long, high fence. In the distance, they could hear splashing, children shrieking, a lifeguard blowing a whistle.

“Sounds like fun,” Michael said. “Should we check it out?” When Alex responded with a slightly uncomfortable facial expression, Michael continued. “It’s fine if you can’t swim, no one ever taught me either.”

“Oh, no, I can swim. My dad actually made me and my brothers learn when we were like, just born. I don’t even remember not knowing.”

Michael looked impressed. “Oh wow, you must be on all the sports teams then.”

Alex let out a grim laugh. “Yeah, I used to be, I guess. I sort of messed up on tryouts last week.”

“What happened?”

Alex looked down at his shoes. “I kicked the ball into the coach’s face.”

Michael laughed involuntary. “Holy shit.”

Alex wanted to laugh with him, but instead looked remorseful. “Yeah, it was kind of an accident, but not really. I shouldn’t have done it. It’s just that, all my life, my dad has made me do all these things...” He let out a sharp exhale. “Anyway, sometimes people just make me angry.”

“I know the feeling.” Michael kicked at a rock, then looked back at Alex. “Hey, I have an idea. Let’s meet here when everyone’s gone?”

Alex hesitated, but Michael’s presence was a warm glow in that autumn afternoon and he didn’t want it to end just yet. “Sure. 8 o’clock?”

* * *

Alex didn’t see Michael pick the lock, but soon enough, the gate was creaking open and they were inside. In the darkness, the cerulean pool took on an otherworldly luminescence. Michael stripped down to his boxers and waded into the shallow end. Alex was wearing swim trunks but kept his t-shirt on before slipping in with the grace of a practiced swimmer.

“So you’ve never gone swimming before?” They bobbed in the water, facing each other.

“Nope. Wish I knew about this place earlier.”

“It’s probably better not to come here alone if you don't know how to swim.”

“How hard can it be?”

Alex had Michael hold onto the edge of the pool and lift his body to the surface to practice floating and kicking his legs, which he picked up with preternatural speed. Alex had never taught anyone to swim before, but he was pretty sure it wasn’t due to his instruction. Michael had what seemed to be an animal instinct for it, and soon they were darting back and forth across the length of the pool, splashing each other in the face and forgetting about the rest of the stupid world. Michael floated on his back, observing the stars overhead.

Alex enjoyed diving to the bottom of the pool, touching the concrete floor before coming up again. It was so quiet, even his own intrusive thoughts were mollified by the underwater calm. On his final dive of the night, he grazed Michael’s ankle with his hand ever so slightly, unable to control the urge but with enough composure to know it could pass off as accidental.

As they lay at the pool’s edge, waiting for the cool night air to dry them off as it also chilled them to the bone, Michael turned his head to face Alex.  
  
“Thanks. For teaching me how to swim.”

“I think you somehow figured it out on your own.”

“Well, thanks for watching me figure it out then.”

“No problem.”

Alex looked into Michael’s eyes, knowing full well he was in too deep and that it would destroy him. And he didn’t know if he could survive it this time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Being an alien means you can fuck up bullies in secret and swim without ever taking a lesson, sorry I don’t make the rules.
> 
> Thank you for reading and engaging :) I wasn’t sure if this would be interesting to anyone, but whatever, I’m basically writing a Malex YA novel with no plot while listening to Dashboard Confessional to get into a 14-year-old headspace. Let’s see where this goes.


	4. A Thousand Times

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael teaches Alex how to skateboard. Everyone goes to the Harvest dance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: Brief mention of past suicidal ideation.

“Look what I found!” Michael said excitedly, standing outside Alex’s house and hoisting a beat up skateboard over his head.

It was morning before school, and Alex was just heading out. He signaled for Michael to pipe down, leading him away from the house and towards the school. “A skateboard?”

“Yeah. Check it out, I found it in a pile of junk out by Sanders’ Auto.” He held it out for Alex to see. “I used to skate at my last place, but I didn’t have one here.”

“Where were you before?”

“Albuquerque. But that was like three years ago.”

“So, you’ve been here?”

“Yeah, I was being homeschooled.” He paused. “If you can call it that. They finally gave up on me after the last exorcism.”

“The what?”

Michael had kept up a lighthearted tone until then, but there was no way to elaborate without it getting dark.

“Yeah, they thought I was possessed and moving stuff with my mind.” He laughed to show how ridiculous it was.

“What the fuck.” Alex didn’t know what it meant to be exorcised and didn’t really want to know. His brothers had scared him with enough scary stories when they were little that he now avoided horror movies like the plague. But he could still feel himself getting angry on Michael’s behalf.

“Yeah, I’ll take high school any day,” Michael said with a hint of discomfort.

They were approaching the school, and kids were milling about, or sprawled out on the lawn, hoping to squeeze in one last second of freedom before the bell rang.

“Wanna skate later?” Michael turned to Alex.

“I don’t know how.”

“Oh, I saw one in the shed, so just figured.”

“Yeah, that’s my brother Clay’s skateboard. He’s in the military now.”

“Okay, well I can teach you. Pay you back for teaching me how to swim.”

Alex let out a small laugh, remembering. “Right.” 

“It’s fun. Pretty sure you can pick it up fast with all the, uh, sports and all. And then you can go so much farther than walking. We could probably skate all the way to Foster Ranch.”

Alex hesitated briefly, as if he were deciding, as if there were a world where he passed up spending time with him. He had never been good at lying, especially not to himself.

“Okay, I’ll go grab it after school.”

A few hours later, they were standing in a mostly vacant parking lot on the local college campus, holding their skateboards under their arms.

“Are you regular or goofy?”

Alex looked confused, like he wasn’t sure if he was supposed to be offended.

Michael laughed. “I meant, what foot do you usually put in front? For most people it’s the left, especially if you’re right-handed. Okay, watch.”

He gave Alex a light, playful push from behind. Alex landed on his left foot. For the first time in his life, an action like that didn’t feel like violence.

“Guess you’re regular.”

“That’s a first,” Alex deadpanned.

He held onto Michael’s hands as he rolled unsurely across the asphalt. There were scars on those hands that didn’t make sense, but Alex didn’t ask. After all, he was the one wearing clothes to go swimming.

“Don’t worry, I won’t let go.”

By the time the sun was setting, Alex was skating on his own, pushing off shakily but mostly without mishap. They cruised in lopsided circles around the lot, with Michael showing Alex some of the tricks he was still figuring out. 

“You going to the Harvest dance?” Alex asked, skating beside Michael.

“Ugh, yeah. Isobel is making me, she’s on student council and spent _so_ much time planning every little...glitter thing,” Michael laughed, mocking her tone. “Are you?”

“Um yeah, I think so.”

“Guess I’ll see you there.”

At one point, Alex hit a small piece of rock while gaining speed but was able to wrest back control and stop, buzzing with adrenaline. He found he liked skateboarding, liked the freedom, the thrill. The company.

What he didn't know was that he would've fallen that last time, if not for an invisible force, imperceptibly tipping the balance in his favor.

* * *

“Let’s dance, Alex!” Maria cried over the live D.J. as she and Liz started to shake their hips in a circle around him. It was fun and he should have just joined them. But he managed to convince them he’d find them for another song.

Instead, Alex stood at the back of the gymnasium, feeling like he might die. But it wasn’t the usual feelings about dying he had, which were more about ceasing to exist—casually, nonchalantly. No, this was more like his emotions were surging through him with such force that he was afraid his body would shut down, short-circuited by sheer unrequited desire. He didn’t want to die though, not really. It was torture, but for Michael, he’d do it a thousand times over, like some sort of masochist. 

Michael was across the room laughing with Max, an arm draped across Isobel’s shoulders. Alex caught himself staring a little too late, and his eyes met Michael’s for half a second. Alex dropped his gaze to the ground.

He just had to put one foot in front of the other, and eventually he could be there too, in front of Michael, in his orbit. Instead, Alex imagined what it would be like to be in another life, another dimension, a parallel universe, maybe. A place where he could speak the words his heart so desperately wanted to say, on an indoor basketball court draped with streamers, illuminated by a rotating disco ball. And it could be completely normal, banal even. But here, all he could do was harbor a secret.

A pair of worn tennis shoes came into view in front of his own, attached to a person he may as well have manifested into appearing before him.

“So. Much. Fun,” Michael said robotically, trying to elicit a laugh. It worked, and Alex tried to shake himself out of his own head. But then the shadow of Kyle Valenti and two of his friends were upon them.

“Ooh, is this your boyfriend, Alex?” Kyle sneered. He looked Michael up and down. “Always knew there was something off about this one.”

It was getting so, so old. Alex forced a smile, replying sweetly, “It’s okay to be jealous, Kyle...”

Michael interrupted, his expression darkening. “If you don’t back the fuck up...”

“You’ll what? Run home and tell on me? Oh wait, you don’t have a home, right?” Kyle looked pleased with himself.

At that very moment, the disco ball crashed to the floor, sending screaming teenage revelers into the peripheries of the room. In the mayhem, Alex ran for the door, the rush of sticking it to Kyle making way for more sobering thoughts, one of which was that this was his shitty life now, getting made fun of for something he didn’t even have the pleasure of actually experiencing for himself.

As he raced down the steps of the school entrance, he felt a hand on his shoulder.

“Hey, are you okay?” Michael.

“I’m fine, just leave me alone.”

“Kyle is an asshole.”

Alex turned away from him. “Yeah, no shit. I don’t care about him. You don’t have to be nice to me, you know, I don’t need you to save me or pay me back or whatever it is you’re doing.”

“Um, I'm not...”

“I’m serious! Just leave me alone. I don't want to walk to school, I don’t want to hang out. Just don’t talk to me, okay?” Every word was a jagged, desperate stone launched in Michael's direction.

“Wait, why?”

The night sky over them was almost black, dusted over with faint clouds. Rain had fallen while they were inside, leaving the ground slick and reflective. The silence was thunderous, expectant.

“Because I’m tired of wanting what I can’t have!” Alex finally confessed in a frustrated yell, tears forming at the corners of his eyes.

“Why can’t you have me?” Michael sounded hurt and small.

Alex scoffed, swiping at an errant teardrop rolling down his face. “Please, you know what I’m talking about. It’s not like the whole school doesn’t already know.”

Michael looked at him with sad eyes, struggling to find the right words to say.

Alex sighed forcefully. “Okay, you really want me to say it out loud? I like you. I don’t wanna be, like, just friends.” He laughed darkly. “And you’re hooking up with Lindsay. Or is it Isobel now? It’s not like I don’t know how this ends.” His voice was thick with emotion.

Michael looked surprised, then concerned. He grabbed at Alex's trembling wrists, gripping them firmly. “Isobel is like my sister, like for real, I would never...and Lindsay, that was over before it started, Alex. It was nothing.”

“Is that what people are to you?” Alex extricated himself combatively from Michael’s grasp. “Just nothing?”

“No!” Michael’s hands went to his hair, as if he were going to rip every last strand out. “Not you. You’re different. I...I like you.”

“You what?”

“I like you! Like, _like_ like you.”

Alex looked at him, his eyes teary and guarded and disbelieving. “But you’re...”

“I don’t know what I am! I just know I...want to be around you all the time. You’re like the first person I’ve ever felt that way about, and I don't know what that means, I just...don’t want you to leave.”

Alex was breathing heavily, trying to process what he was hearing.

“Alex, it's okay if you want to leave. But can you leave with me?”

Michael took Alex’s hand, and he followed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter inspired by 1,000 Times by Sara Bareilles.
> 
> Thanks for all the comments, they truly brighten my day.


	5. The Best Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex gives his heart away.

The rows of streetlights cast an eerie, orange glow on the still wet streets. Michael’s hand was warm against Alex’s, both unsure who was leading whom, but somehow still charting a path forward.

Alex’s heart hammered loudly in his chest, still absorbing the shock that things weren’t as one-sided as he had thought. Michael _liked_ him. At least, that was what he said. It felt too good to be true. His mind felt hazy and he thought maybe it was all just a dream.

“Where are we going?” Alex finally asked. They slowed their steps, stopping in the middle of a sleepy residential street.

“Does it matter?” Michael asked with a look that told Alex everything he needed to know. No, it didn’t matter, as long as they were together.

“I mean, no, I guess not.” Alex said distractedly, his mind caught on a new thought. He gave Michael a serious look.

“You could just go back to dating girls, you know, and nobody would have to know. You don’t have to make things hard for yourself.”

Michael frowned. “You make it sound like I have a choice.”

“You do!” Alex wasn’t sure why Michael was acting so obtuse. It was reasonable, he thought, for someone who obviously had options.

“Do you?” Michael asked.

Alex hesitated, not ready to have the question thrown back at him. “That’s different.”

Michael threw him a skeptical look. “Is it? You know, ever since I met you, nothing has really felt like it was under my control. So I don’t think it matters that I’ve liked girls before.” 

“Okay, but...”

Michael looked at Alex straight in the eye and grasped his arm tightly. “Look, I don’t care what other people think. And honestly, it’s none of their business. I want this. So, I can take whatever’s coming to me.”

“I want it too.” Alex said, as if he had been holding his breath until then.

“Okay,” Michael said, somewhere between a sigh and a laugh. “Can we just have some fun now?”

“Yeah,” Alex said. “But first...” He lay down on the soaked through asphalt and closed his eyes.

Michael laughed in confusion. “What are you doing?”

“I’m tired,” Alex proclaimed dramatically, and it was true. Crying and confessions of love could do that to a person. 

Michael lay down beside him, two snow angels on concrete.

“We’re gonna get run over by a car,” he said, even though there were probably ways he could prevent it, if it came to that.

Alex didn’t say anything, just listened to their breathing in the still night air and his own heart pounding from a feeling he didn’t quite recognize but he thought it might be hope. His leg grazed Michael’s as they lay there, sharing a space that didn’t need words. Their faces were so close, he could feel the heat radiating from Michael’s breath.

And then it started to rain.

“Hey. I know somewhere...drier.” Michael said with a smile. Alex smiled back, knowing that the rain didn’t matter an ounce to them at the moment. But he was down for anything now.

Soon they were running through the rain, not so much to escape it, but to take it all in.

Alex had long given up questioning why Michael was so good at picking locks. He figured it had become some sort of survival skill, and they snuck into the UFO museum easily. It was dark, quiet, and a little creepy, but Alex found that he wasn’t afraid. He felt safe.

“Have you been here before?” Alex asked. He didn’t believe in aliens, but he was still fascinated by the concept. After all, he had seen all the Star Wars movies a few times over.

“Yeah, a few times. It’s mostly bullshit, but some of it is kind of interesting,” Michael said with the assurance of someone who had spent a lot of time thinking about it.

A clunking sound broke the silence, and they retreated to the narrow space between a display case of moon rocks and the concrete wall. A janitor pushed past them with a mop bucket. 

Alex felt like his heart might burst from the self-control he was applying on himself to not immediately press his whole body into Michael and give in completely. Instead, in the darkness, they waited quietly until they heard the door slam and the lock click.

“Close one.” Michael melted to the floor, relaxing. Alex followed suit, until they were both laying on the floor for the second time of the night.

It was just the two of the them. No Kyle, no adults, no unnecessary comments. In that sacred space it almost felt like this could be normal and forever, encapsulated in a bubble of never ending bliss. Just laying there in the quiet, breathing in each other’s air. It was so ordinary. And it was the most exceptional thing he had ever felt.

The weight of anticipation hanging in the air was killing Alex. It was in that moment that he realized that he would take this wherever it went. His heart was so completely owned by Michael Guerin, he could do anything with it, he could cradle it or destroy it, it was no longer Alex’s to control. Fake stars twinkled dimly from the ceiling, illuminating the curves of Michael’s golden brown curls and reflecting in his eyes. 

Alex leaned towards Michael’s face involuntarily, hesitating only when he thought of how horribly wrong this had gone the last time he had felt a similar compulsion. But before he could ruminate on it, Michael’s lips were on his, soft and warm, and he felt a magnetic pull, as if his insides were being drawn out into this communion. The kiss was forceful and sweet, awkward and earnest. When it ended, they lay again in the silence, limbs intertwined.

In all that had transpired, there was no indication of time passing, so it was with a jolt that Alex noticed the clock on the opposite wall.

“Oh shit, it’s late, I have to go.”

They ran back through the rain, street lamps lighting the way. On Alex’s doorstep, he pulled Michael in close by the waist, almost in defiance of his vicinity to his father and his disapproval.

“This is the best day of my life,” Alex whispered, planting another quick kiss on his lips under the porch-light. And as swift as the wind, he was through the door and gone.

Michael blessed the rains down in New Mexico.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter inspired by Hands Down by Dashboard Confessional. I think I wore out this CD as a teenager.
> 
> It’s my birthday, and I’m officially way too old to be writing about what it was like to be fourteen and in love in 2004 but here we are.
> 
> Thank you for reading! I love reading your comments.


	6. Kismet and Kisses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex and Michael experience what first love is all about.

Alex barely had any time between wedging the doorstop into the boy’s bathroom door before his back was pushed up against the ceramic sink, Michael’s hands on his face, Michael’s tongue in his mouth. Time stood still as Alex returned the favor, breathless, aching in longing, pulling at Michael’s t-shirt with both hands.

They hadn’t meant for it to be a secret.

They hadn’t meant to bring anyone else into it, either. Other people were kind of irrelevant to the equation entirely, which was a simple one.

_M + A_

Michael crouched down to scrawl their initials, small and messy, onto the inside corner of the bathroom door with a black permanent marker he had in his back pocket, drawing an asymmetrical heart around the letters with dramatic flourish.

Alex laughed, embarrassed because it was _so_ cheesy, and yet. It was also something he never thought he’d ever get to have. The feeling of being a part of something like this, with someone like Michael, made his heart swell out of his chest.

Alex knelt down beside him to admire the handiwork. “Looks like we have our very own Michelangelo here,” He teased.

Michael turned to him. “That’s actually my real name.”

Alex’s eyes went wide. “Really?”

“You’re cute when you’re gullible,” Michael smiled, eyes twinkling.

“You’re the worst,” Alex groaned.

They kissed, still sitting on the checkerboard tile floor.

* * *

“Wait, are you serious?” Alex exclaimed as they walked away from their last classes of the day.

“Whoa, okay, I didn’t think it was a big deal,” Michael responded defensively.

“I mean, sure, they haven’t been as good as the original trilogy, but that’s kind of to be expected. It’s still important backstory.”

“I’m getting the feeling you’re about to make me watch five hours of Star Wars.”

Alex paused. “Only if you want to.”

Michael laughed. “I want to.”

The truth was, Michael had watched quite a few movies as a kid. Max, Isobel, they all had. Anything that referenced aliens, just in case something rang true. He just hadn’t gotten to the prequels yet.

Soon they were nestled in the shed, laying on their stomachs while playing the DVDs on a laptop propped at the head of the futon. It was pitch-black outside by the time the ending credits rolled for Attack of the Clones.

“What is it with you and Star Wars?” Michael asked, not unkindly, as they lay together in the aftermath.

“I don’t know. I guess I just relate to Luke? You know, like maybe I can also get out of this shithole one day and go on epic adventures. And I like watching the good guys win. I guess it’s nice to escape this world for a while sometimes.” Alex grinned. “And I mean, lightsabers? Come on.”

“Your passion for Star Wars is sexy,” Michael said, planting a kiss on his lips.

“It all sort of makes sense. My dad is Darth Vader,” Alex continued, still deep in thought. “Guess I’m still waiting for that redemption arc.”

Michael got quiet and almost angry, having picked up enough clues in the short time they had spent together. “You don’t need him.”

After a few more moments of silence had passed, Michael spoke again. “Do you think that’s what it’s like, out there? Somewhere in another galaxy, all these alien species just hanging out together?”

Alex laughed, unsure if Michael was joking. “I think Roswell is getting to your head.” 

“Yeah, probably.” Michael brushed it off casually. “Also, I’m starving. Are you?”

Alex went back to the house to grab ingredients for sandwiches, emboldened by the fact that Jesse Manes was away on business. It was quiet and none of the lights were on downstairs. As Alex grabbed a loaf of white bread, a package of bologna, and some condiments, he heard footsteps approaching.

“Oh, didn’t realize you were home,” Greg said as he passed through the kitchen, still wearing his football uniform.

“Um yeah, just watching some movies out back,” Alex said tentatively.

“Do you want to watch them in the living room? I don’t think anyone’s using the TV.”

“Oh, it’s okay, I already have everything set up in there,” gesturing to the yard.

“Okay, suit yourself. Hungry, huh?” Greg smiled, eyeing Alex’s haul.

“Yeah, didn’t have lunch today,” Alex said with the first thing that came to mind.

“Okay, have fun,” Greg said, still smiling. 

Alex, slightly unsettled, made his way back towards Michael. After their late dinner, they lay on the futon, bodies pressed against each other, staring at the ceiling. Michael looked troubled, like he had been turning over a thought in his mind for a while, and it didn’t take long for Alex to notice the change in temperament.

“What are you thinking?” Alex asked gently. 

“I’m afraid,” Michael said quietly as they lay there in silence.

“Of what?” Alex sat up, brow furrowed in worry.

“Of, um...” Michael took a deep breath, surprised at himself for treading into vulnerable territory. “...needing you too much.”

Alex looked surprised too, but also relieved that it was something that seemed fixable, that he could perhaps convince away. “What do you mean?”

“I don’t know. It's just that, people have never really been there for me. You know, just one disappointment after another. I think I just started telling myself I didn’t need anybody or anything because it was easier than just, like, constantly being let down.” 

Alex interlocked his fingers with Michael’s, giving his hand a light squeeze. “You can need me as much as you want, and I’ll be there. I promise.”

“I know. But that’s why being with you is so scary. Like, I’ve never felt this way before. And everything from my past is just like sending warning signals to my brain. But then I look at you, and, like, I believe you. That it would be okay to need you like that.”

Alex reached a hand out to Michael’s chest. “Maybe what you think is too much is actually just enough.”

Michael eked out a smile. “Yeah. Maybe.” 

They sealed the conversation with a drawn out kiss and fell asleep on the futon in each other’s arms.

* * *

The early morning sunlight shone through the tool shed window, illuminating the dust motes floating in the air. Michael stirred and Alex wasn’t far behind. 

“Alex,” Michael murmured, running a slow and gentle hand through his soft, brown hair.

“I like it when you say my name.”

“Alex,” Michael sounded out the word, long and lovely.

Alex smiled, indulging himself in the sound. “I don’t like it when anyone else says it. Just you.”

What started as a good morning peck turned into something more as they made use of the hour or so they still had before having to meet the day head on.

“You taste like...the sun,” Alex said sleepily.

“I taste like the sun?” Michael replied, both incredulous and completely smitten.

“I mean, you _are_ pretty warm,” Alex noted. “...or maybe it’s more like gold.”

“Mm, you know what gold tastes like?” Michael asked, indulging him.

“Yes. You.” Alex laughed, feeling like he was still halfway in a dream.

“That’s very poetic.”

“When I’m with you, the world feels different.” He paused, unsure whether to disclose the next part. “Actually, I have been writing. Not really poetry, more like song lyrics.”

“What are you writing about? Me?” Michael gave him a devilish grin.

“I don’t want to be responsible for your head getting any bigger,” Alex teased.

“That’s cool, though. I didn't know you were so into music.”

“Yeah, I play guitar in the school band.”

“I’ve been messing around on guitar a bit. Sometimes I borrow a guitar from the music room,” Michael said a little sheepishly.

A realization dawned on Alex. “Have you...broken any strings recently?”

“How did you know that?”

“That’s my guitar!” Alex exclaimed out of surprise, not anger.

Michael’s face cycled between guilt and utter amusement. “Sorry about that, I meant to replace it...”

“No it’s fine, that’s just...such a coincidence,” Alex said, still looking a little shell-shocked.

“I’ve been playing your guitar this whole time.” Michael said with smug self-satisfaction. “It’s like it was meant to be.”

“Yeah,” Alex said, tickled by the revelation. “Kismet.”

“Cosmic.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lots of music inspiration on this one. Graffiti by CHVRCHES, Waking Up Slow by Gabrielle Aplin, Lie in the Sound by Trespassers William.
> 
> Thank you for reading and commenting! I still can’t believe I’m writing something with multiple chapters. Your support keeps me going <3


	7. Stray With Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex tries to save Michael from becoming collateral damage.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: Jesse Manes makes an appearance and child abuse is briefly referenced.

The next time Alex saw his father, it was the back of his head. Jesse Manes was seated in his favorite chair facing the television, beer in hand. The only light came from the flickering television screen. He never turned around, but Alex knew better than to keep walking. He had grown to read the energy in the room like a finely tuned instrument, and the weight of it was dark and heavy.

“You’ve been staying out late,” Jesse said.

“Yeah,” Alex responded unemotionally. He had long run out of explanations that could serve as escape routes.

“New friend?” Jesse finally turned his head over the back of the chair to search Alex’s eyes for a reaction.

“One or two, yeah.” Alex stared at his feet, avoiding his gaze.

“What happened with Kyle? Jim said you two aren’t friends anymore.”

“Nothing. Kyle just found new friends.”

Jesse took a long, contemplative swig from the bottle. “I have eyes and ears everywhere, Alex.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“Good,” Jesse said with a menacing and final tone.

Alex padded upstairs to his bedroom, glad that was the end of it. He had long stopped trying to win his father’s approval, or even avoid the abuse when it came down on him, inevitably. On the outside it seemed self-destructive, perverse even. He could see it in Greg’s eyes sometimes, sad and pleading. _Just do what he says and save yourself_ , they were saying. 

What Greg didn’t understand was that there was no way out from under that sort of contempt. No change in behavior, no carefully placed word would do any good when what Jesse Manes hated was the person himself. And he hated Alex, down to his core. Alex couldn’t change that. He could change what he did, he could change what he said, but he could never change who he was. And that was the part Jesse hated the most.

So, Alex had doubled down. If he was going to suffer for who he was, he figured he might as well enjoy himself while it lasted. The makeup he bought had originally been for practical purposes, to cover up the signs and evade questions. But he found himself reaching at more aisles. Eyeliner and nail polish, those were tiny things he could control. And if he was going to be regarded as an aberration, he was going to own it. He was going to reclaim it.

So, no, Alex was not quite under Jesse’s control. His fear was always there, a low-level hum, but it had dulled with each subsequent blow, a renewed understanding of how meaningless it was to want something different for himself under the roof of a hateful man. 

But this. This was something else entirely. Now he had brought someone else into the fold. It was one thing for Alex to be in it. He had accepted his fate and learned how to survive. But Michael, who had already seen the dregs of humanity, felt its sting too many times over, and still gave his love freely—he didn’t deserve to be in the crosshairs of Jesse Manes. Nobody did, but especially not him.

The whirlwind of heady, first-time emotions had made him forget temporarily. But now he saw clearly for the first time that he had put Michael in danger, and it filled him with both panic and remorse. He knew his father intimately, in a way no one else really did.

He knew just what Jesse Manes was capable of. 

* * *

The next time Alex saw Michael was at Kate Long’s house party, after a week of passive avoidance as Alex ruminated over what to do. They were the only ones in the kitchen, which was decked out in farmhouse accents and red plastic cups. A light touch at his waist, and Michael was beside him.

“Where’ve you been?” Michael asked. It was a softball, casual and non-accusatory.

“Oh, I was studying for a math test,” Alex said, and it wasn't a lie, technically speaking.

“I don’t know if you’ve heard, but I’m kind of a math genius,” Michael said with a put-on sort of bravado. “So, if you ever need some help next time...”

Alex smiled at Michael and hoped it didn’t look as sad as he felt. “Yeah, sure.”

“If I didn’t know better, I’d think you’re actually avoiding me,” Michael said, his voice low as he played with the cup in his hand, filled with some unidentifiable liquor.

“No, it's not that...”

“I can take a hint,” Michael exhaled.

“Michael...”

“Don’t worry, I can keep a secret,” he said spitefully before backing out of the kitchen with the attitude of someone who didn’t want to appear hurt.

* * *

Alex wandered the house with a lump in his throat, weaving through people he went to school with, happiness spilling out of them in cascades. And he had been one of them too, so recently. Michael had done that for him. Now his father had dismantled it, and he hadn’t even had to lift a finger to do it.

Alex made his rounds, talking to Maria and Liz, trying his best to distract himself from the insane task he realized he had given himself: break up with the love of his life. To save _his_ life, but still.

Over an hour passed before Alex crossed paths with Michael again, who was at the side of the house, drinking alone. He gave Alex a sideways glance before continuing to stare at the ground. Alex instinctively reached his hand out to place it on his arm, a gesture that fell short of what he really wanted to do, which was to wrap him up in his love and never make him feel alone again.

“Leave me alone,” Michael said rawly, stepping away from him.

“Look,” Alex said. “It has nothing to do with you. I just need some time to think about...things.”

Michael let out a somber chuckle. “Are you seriously giving me the ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ speech? Thought that only happened in the movies.”

“This has just been...we kind of rushed into it, and I just think it would be better if we...took a step back.”

“What does that even mean, take a step back? Just spit it out, Alex. If you don’t want anything to do with me anymore, just say so,” Michael said angrily, the weight on his chest threatening to turn into tears. He thought about how, just the other day, he had revealed to Alex his deepest fears of needing people who always seemed to end up leaving. And he had come to need Alex. So much. More than he knew.

“No! I mean, I do, it’s just...” Alex couldn’t go through with it. “My dad...”

At the mere mention of Alex’s father, Michael grew fiery and protective.

“Your dad? What did he do to you?” Alex had never told Michael, or anyone, the extent of it. But he wasn’t as good at hiding it as he thought.

“Nothing,” Alex said quietly, realizing this had gone completely off the rails.

Michael took a deep breath, attempting composure, his care for Alex’s wellbeing overriding the rage and confusion swirling inside him. “What were you going to say?”

Alex considered where he was going to take this. “My dad, I think he knows about us, and he doesn’t really want me dating right now. I think it’d just be easier for me to listen to him, at least for now.” It was a bald-faced lie, but it sounded reasonable, maybe for someone with normal parents, he thought.

Michael, meanwhile, was trying to decipher the puzzle in front of him. Frankly, he was a little insulted that Alex thought he could get this past him, as if he didn’t know him at all.  
  
“Since when do you care what your dad thinks? You literally forged his signature to get a nose piercing last week.”

Alex frowned. And that’s when it clicked for Michael.

“Please tell me this isn’t some martyr shit you're pulling, Alex.”

Alex’s expression told him everything he needed to know.

“Alex...”

“You don’t understand, Michael,” Alex was near tears, having to reveal the truth, and such an ugly truth at that. “He is dangerous. He could _kill_ you, I'm serious.”

“And I can handle myself,” Michael said through gritted teeth.

Alex shook his head. “It’s all my fault, and I’ll never forgive myself if anything...”

Michael softened, placing his hands on Alex’s shoulders, like he wanted to shake him into understanding. “It’s not your fucking fault. No human being should be like that. He doesn’t want us to be together, or happy. And if we go along with that, then he wins.”

“You don’t know how he is. He knows everything that happens in town.”

“Then we'll be careful. We’ll keep it a secret. I’ll do whatever it takes, Alex. I won’t let him take this away from us.”

Alex was quiet.

“You’re supposed to be the rebel here,” Michael said, a hint of a smile upon his lips.

Alex laughed despite himself. 

“Come here,” Michael said, grabbing at Alex’s jacket.

Alex wrapped his arms around Michael’s warm body in a relieved embrace, a comfort in the cold of night. “I’m sorry, I didn’t want to push you away. I just don’t want to drag you into all my family shit,” he said.

Michael held on to Alex tighter, their chests rising and falling into each other synchronously. “I’ll protect us both, I promise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was inspired by All of the Love in the World by Lily Kershaw. 
> 
> I haven’t quite planned it out yet, but I think this story will come to an end in the next chapter. It feels right, and 8 is a lucky number (in Chinese culture, at least). Thank you so much to everyone who has been following along and leaving comments, it means more to me than you know.
> 
> ~~Note that Jesse Manes will not appear again. I wanted to address it in this chapter, but also want to acknowledge that at the end of the day, this is a happy story about young love, first (and most likely last) love, and that’s how I will leave it.~~ Okay, I’ve realized that I needed a bit of closure and will need to bring him back briefly but I promise it will still be a happy ending.
> 
> How should this end? I’m curious what you think :)


	8. Salvation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex and Michael’s story is just beginning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: Jesse Manes appears again, but it all ends up okay.

Jesse Manes was never home that early.

But there he was, standing by the front door, looking grimly at Alex and Michael as they approached the house, hand in mittened hand. Fresh snow had fallen the day before, washing everything in a cool light. They stopped just short of the driveway.

Alex let go of his hand.

“Dad...” he said, and it was the only thing that came to mind.

Jesse set his sights on Michael, his eyes cold and severe. “I think it’s time you went home, son.”

Normally this would have been Michael’s cue to exit stage left, slip away and not cause a scene. But now he knew Jesse by reputation, and he was becoming attuned to the undercurrent of dread behind Alex’s stoic exterior.

He stepped in front of Alex, half-shielding him in a protective stance. “No,” he said, not knowing what he was going to do next. Alex looked stricken.

It was clearly not the response Jesse was expecting, and he made it known. His mouth curled up in a slight smile. He slowly took the few steps down from the porch.

Michael ran through his options in his head. He could use his powers, but the fallout would be unfathomable. Unless he could do something discreetly? In any case, he couldn’t defend himself against the grown man with just his bare fists. But Jesse wouldn’t really do something to them in broad daylight, would he? It dawned on him then that he was willing to expose himself, and potentially Max and Isobel too, if it meant that Alex was safe, and it was a thought that took him by surprise. He turned to Alex, who already looked resigned to their fates, which broke his heart.

Before he could decide, a red Chevy truck stopped abruptly in front of the Manes’ house and Mimi DeLuca stepped out in a rush, still wearing an apron from her bartending job. She strode directly towards Alex.

“I’m so sorry, Alex, I didn’t know,” she said, enveloping him in a tight, motherly embrace, and he accepted it despite his confusion. “Come on, we’re going.” She gestured at Michael. “You too.”

“What the hell is this, Mimi,” Jesse said evenly, his anger bubbling below the surface. “This is none of your concern. Step away from my son.”

“I was going to let you keep your secrets, Jesse. But what you’ve done to that boy, it’s unforgivable,” Mimi said.

“Forget your crazy pills today?” Jesse’s laugh had an acerbic edge.

“I’m never letting Alex near you again. He’s going to stay with me.”

“That’s not how the law works, Mimi. But I’m happy to call up Jim and have you arrested for kidnapping.”

“We’ll see how the law works when it comes to the things you’ve done. I’ve seen a lot more than you think.”

“You don’t know anything.” Jesse’s eyes narrowed. “I will end you.”

Mimi laughed in the way of powerful women when they’re being underestimated. “I want to see you try. But let’s hope what’s going on at Caulfield doesn’t get out before then.”

For the first time in his life, Jesse looked stunned, speechless, and Mimi ushered the two boys into the cab of the truck and sped away. Alex took a backwards glance at his father still standing at the curb, and he felt a flutter of both fear and anticipation for what was yet to come.

* * *

With Michael staying over most nights, Mimi had essentially taken in two kids at once, which was just as well for Maria, who had always wanted brothers. She and Alex were as close as ever, sharing his makeup stash and her boy troubles, while she and Michael spent most of their time bickering like an old married couple, to Alex’s amusement.

Alex still didn’t understand what had happened. It was clear that Mimi knew more than she let on, but she was vague on the details, only reassuring Alex that he didn’t have to worry anymore, that he always had a home with her, and that he never needed to see his father again. Alex didn’t know how true that was, or if he even wanted it to be true, but he allowed himself the temporary respite.

“Joy is an act of resistance,” Mimi said to him one day as she left for her shift. “Don’t forget that, Alex.” He asked her if it was a quote from somewhere. “Not yet,” she said.

Winter gave way to spring, as it always did, and Alex and Michael spent more and more time outdoors, in the desert, finding new places to call home, if only just for an afternoon. Sometimes they brought their guitars and made up silly songs that usually never had satisfying endings before they both dissolved into giggles.

That afternoon, thunder had started to rumble from a far away place across the wilds, and the air smelled sweet and earthy. It was going to rain soon. The stolen beers were halfway finished, but Alex was only drunk on one thing, and he was staring at it.

“I love you.”

It was the first time, and it was fearless and unadorned, a truth that Alex was simply giving voice to. Michael smiled in response, a smile that went into his eyes and, Alex could have sworn, even his head of curly, golden hair.

“I love you, too.”

Alex lay in the sound of it for a long time.

“People don’t really meet the love of their life when they’re fourteen, do they?” He mused with a smile, rhetorically.

“I guess we’re special then,” Michael replied.

“It’s such a long time. So much can happen.”

“Yeah, life is hard.” Michael placed a hand against Alex’s chest, warm and insistent. ”But loving you never will be.”

It started to rain, and the words fell away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it’s not a big deal for most people, but I’ve never finished writing a story with chapters, with this many words (it’s not a lot, but a lot for me!), and wrote it alongside people giving me comments and feedback. It’s been such a trip. I had no idea where this was going and you all helped me find the way. I’m going to shout out people because I’m a sap. I wrote this story for myself, but also for Jo_Dee, leticia22ma, PinkSparkleUnicorn, DV3121, montrealcanadienfan31, Bookgirl2412, entropychanges, Notinthepasttense, aCinnaMeg519, skinsharpenedteeth, and everyone else who left kudos, subscribed, or just followed along. Thanks for reading and engaging with me in some way.
> 
> I’m going to mark this as complete but there is **one more chapter** , which is a pretty lengthy epilogue, that I will post soon!


	9. Epilogue — Existentialism on Prom Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As high school comes to a close, Alex and Michael face the future, together.

_Senior year, spring 2008_

“I want to tell Alex. About us.”

Isobel’s eyes widened, and Max furrowed his brow in concern. They were sitting in a booth at the Crashdown, their usual haunt after school.

“I guess I should have seen this coming,” Isobel finally said.

“This is, like, our number one rule, Michael. This is serious.” Max said gravely.

“Yeah, I know. And I’m bringing it up to you anyway, so...”

“I don’t know, you don’t see me going up to Liz and telling her something that could literally get us killed, or worse, and cause global mayhem, just because there’s a thing between us,” Max said in a hushed but gruff tone, glancing at his favorite waitress from out of the corner of his eye.

Isobel laughed, a little meanly. “I don’t think staring at Liz from across the parking lot counts as _a thing_ , Max.”

Max’s cheeks turned hot but not before retorting, “Right, because things are going so well for you.”

“Oh please, all the good ones are long gone. I don’t know who you think in our grade is remotely worthy of my time. Hank?!”

“And who are ‘the good ones’?” Max asked, glad the spotlight was off him.

Isobel tossed her head back dramatically and batted her eyelashes. “Gregory Manes,” she said dreamily. “I guess Flint would do, too.”

“God, can’t you find another family to absolutely annihilate?” Michael said exasperatedly.

“Sorry, didn’t realize you called dibs on all of them,” Isobel said with a smirk. But of course, she knew. Alex was it, the end all be all, for Michael. It was a foregone conclusion, like the law of gravity.

“Look, I could just tell him about me and not you guys. But let’s be real, it’s pretty easy to put two and two together here.” Michael shook his head. “And it’d just be another thing I’m still hiding.”

“It’s risky,” Max said, deep in thought. “His whole family is military.”

“I know. I would never want to put you guys in any danger. But it’s _Alex_ ,” Michael said, as if that one word, that one person, could really explain it all, provide sufficient reasoning for his cause.

That was the thing, though. It was reason enough, and they all knew it. Yes, Isobel and Max were the most psychically connected, but the love and trust Michael felt for Alex was undeniable, emanating out of Michael at every moment. Isobel and Max could always feel its ambient glow, even when they just wanted to focus on their own sorry love lives. Thanks to Michael, sometimes it felt like they were all in love with Alex Manes.

Isobel shot Max a knowing look, and Max raised an eyebrow, as they communicated silently in front of Michael’s expectant gaze.

After a few more moments, Max cleared his throat, softening as he looked at Michael. “If you want to tell him, you should,” he said. “Just be careful. In general, I mean.”

Michael smiled and sighed in relief. “Thanks, Max. Iz. I know how big this is. I just, well, you know. It just feels like it’s time.”

“We know,” Isobel said with a warm smile. The fear was there, but it was overshadowed by a deep and visceral understanding.

“I’m happy for you, man,” Max said, gripping Michael’s shoulder firmly. It was a milestone he hoped he could cross one day, too. 

“I love you guys,” Michael said, bringing them together in a tight hug over the diner table.

“Things really are changing,” Isobel said tearfully as she held them close.

* * *

“Walk you home from school?” Michael asked with a sly smile, putting his hand in Alex’s.

Alex smiled and rolled his eyes. “I guess, just this once.”

Things had been good, and the final weeks of high school were upon them. Alex still stayed at the DeLucas, and his father had not taken any drastic action to get him back. What Mimi held over him must have been pretty damning. Michael had started working at Sanders’ Auto, and stayed over at Sanders’ occasionally so as not to overburden Mimi, who insisted she didn’t mind.

But on the walk home that day, Alex was preoccupied with more sobering thoughts, and he studied Michael’s face for a long moment before opening his mouth.

“I’ve been thinking about joining the military.”

Michael’s heart skipped a beat, but he didn’t let it show. “Is that _your_ idea?”

“I know what you’re thinking. But I only have so many options out of Roswell, and this is the one that makes the most sense.”

Alex didn’t supply the more complex truth, which was that, of course, he questioned himself. A lifetime of being knocked around both physically and mentally had made him a stranger even to himself, untrustworthy, an unreliable narrator. It wasn’t that he wanted to be like Master Sergeant Jesse Manes, or even his brothers, really. But he wanted to be strong like him, the immovable object to his father’s unstoppable force, and this was how he knew to do it. Mimi couldn’t hold him off forever. He wanted to fight back—for both his and Michael’s sakes.

Either way, he knew the facts. Unlike Michael, his grades weren’t good enough for scholarships, and there was no way his dad would foot the bill for a college education. Even he knew math well enough to understand that a lifetime of student loans didn’t seem worth the cost. He wasn’t sure if it was either ironic or just plain foolish that standing up to his father looked more like joining forces.

“There are other ways,” Michael finally said.

“Not that many,” Alex responded, and it was quiet between them.

“You could die, Alex,” Michael’s voice was fearful and small as it broke the silence, the formation of tears catching him off guard.

Alex immediately regretted bringing it up. “I haven’t decided anything yet. Just...thinking about it.”

“You’re creative, you can figure something else out,” Michael said, almost in a whisper.

Alex turned to wipe a tear away from the side of Michael’s face with his thumb. “Maybe. We don’t have to figure it out right now.” He paused. “There’s only one decision we need to make today.”

Michael looked up into Alex’s eyes, confused. “What’s that?”

“Are you gonna go to prom with me?” Alex asked, risking a smile through the stark change of subject.

Michael laughed, swiping at his face to try and gather himself. “Are you seriously trying to distract me from your death wish with _prom_?”

“Is that a yes?”

“Yes. _Obviously_. But for the record, worst prom-posal ever.”

“I’ll take it,” Alex said, pulling Michael in for a kiss that felt more like an apology. The existential questions could wait, for now.

* * *

For all the anticipation of prom, it was, at the end of the day, still just high school, dressed up fancier than usual. And for all the time that Alex and Michael had spent together, deeply in love in the intervening years, they were still more whispered rumor than known entity in the halls of New Roswell High. Boys didn’t go to prom with other boys. That was just how it was.

“This is so dumb,” Alex laughed, attempting to sway with Michael in a slow dance as fake starlight and curious stares landed upon them. “But at least I got to wear this badass suit.”

“Wanna get outta here?” Michael asked with a twinkle in his eye.

“Where have I heard that before?” Alex tilted his head and smiled at the memory, a teal and gauzy remembrance.

“Let’s go for a ride.”

Alex jumped into the familiar passenger seat of Michael’s truck and off they went. Soon the lake was coming into view, illuminated by the nearly full moon. An old country song was playing on the radio as Michael slowed to a stop at the water’s edge.

Stepping into the sandy clearing, Michael placed his hands on Alex’s waist. “Shall we finish that dance?”

Alex placed his head on Michael’s chest, and they resumed swaying to the refrains of steel guitar in their suits of silver and blue, catching light under a sky scattered with stars.

The sunrise didn’t stir them as they slept in the next morning, curled into each other’s warmth, tangled among several blankets in the back of Michael’s truck as the lake glistened before them.

“Sometimes it feels like this has all been a dream,” Alex said sleepily, burrowing deeper into Michael’s waking form. “I don’t want it to end.”

Michael sat up slowly, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. “I know.” He put a hand through Alex’s hair, mussed up from last night’s hair gel. “I don’t know what high school would’ve been like if I hadn’t met you.”

“It was the best,” Alex said with a wistful smile, brushing at an unruly curl behind Michael’s ear.

“But now we get to decide what to do next. _You_ get to decide,” Michael said, and Alex knew what he was thinking about. 

Michael looked at Alex with renewed intensity. “I’m serious, Alex. I know you want me to go to UNM, and, yeah, it’s the right move for my future. I know that we can make it through that, because we can make it through anything. But I can’t just do that without knowing that you’re doing the same thing, you know? Going after what you want, what you _actually_ want.”

“I want _you_ ,” Alex said in earnest, and there was no denying the sentiment.

Michael smiled wryly, knowing he was at the mercy of Alex’s deflection again. “Well, you could come to UNM with me. You know I selfishly want that. But you’re amazing, Alex. You could do anything. Make music, or write, you know? I want that for you. Like, the entire universe should know how incredible you are. Even if it kills me when we’re not together.” He took a long pause and sighed. 

“Look, even if you want to join the military or whatever. As hard as it is for me to say this, I support you, okay? I’m not saying it won’t be really fucking hard, but I just want to make sure it’s your decision, that you’re doing it for you, and nobody else.”

Alex was quiet as he absorbed what Michael was saying, taking in the love that underlay his words. “I guess, all my life, I’ve just never thought there’d be a time when I’d really get to hold the reins on my own life, you know? Maybe I’ve just been reacting, just trying to survive it all, I think.” Alex frowned. “But, you’re right. I don’t want to do that anymore. I just...don’t want to make the wrong choice.”

“You can get it wrong. But that’s what I’m here for. To catch you when you fall.” Michael put a hand on Alex’s arm. “But make your own mistakes, Alex. Not your father’s.”

Alex knew Michael was right. He wondered when his boyfriend had gotten so wise, but then again, Michael had always been beyond his years in so many ways, ever since they had met in that rain-battered toolshed in the first weeks of high school.

“Have I ever told you I love you?” Alex said, his head tilting fondly.

“Only about a hundred million times,” Michael said with a laugh.

“Well, I love you.”

“It never gets old.”

* * *

Michael was staring at the stars. Alex found it charming, his singular interest in astronomy, specifically planets with the potential to support life. If only he applied such fervor to actually completing his homework, Alex liked to tease every once in a while. Luckily, it had all worked out, and they now had diplomas in hand.

They were still in their graduation robes as they sat in the back of the truck. As everyone else went to celebrate the official end of high school with their families, Alex and Michael had driven deep into the desert, a place where the quiet ushered them into a world that was all their own. 

“There’s something I need to tell you, Alex.”

Alex didn’t respond, slightly taken aback. It made him feel insecure in a way he didn't expect from someone he thought he knew so well.

Michael pulled his knees into his chest. “There’s just so much that I’m hiding from other people. But I don’t want to do that with you. I don’t want to hide anything from you.”

“You can tell me,” Alex said, projecting a calm he didn’t exactly feel.

Michael took a deep breath, sighing as he took a metaphorical leap off the precipice. “The UFO crash in 1947, it was real. That’s how I got here. I was like, in a pod or whatever, and then when I got out it was 1997, and I was still a kid and I didn’t remember anything from before.” The worlds tumbled out of him frenetically, like he couldn’t wait to get them out but still wasn’t sure they should be spoken.

Michael looked way too serious for it to be a joke, which just made Alex even more worried. Maybe it was a brain tumor? “Are you...okay, Michael? What’s wrong?”

“I’m fine. I just needed you to know. Because you know everything about me. Except for this. And I want you to know all of it. All of me.”

Alex was still looking at Michael with intense concern, trying to figure out what exactly was going on. He started slowly, still not quite believing but deciding to follow it to its logical conclusion. “So what you’re saying is, you’re...an alien?”

Michael didn’t say anything, opting instead to focus on a stray stone in the brush. Alex followed his line of sight to realize it was now hovering six feet above the desert ground. His jaw dropped involuntarily, and he looked to Michael, wide-eyed, who in turn met his gaze. The stone dropped to the ground.

For Alex, speechless was an understatement.

Michael continued. “You know, I used to not take any of this seriously. School, friends, whatever. I was holding out hope, like really clinging onto it, that someone would come get me, and I could finally be with my real family or something. People who actually wanted me and understood me. But now I’m afraid. I'm afraid that if that actually happens...” His voice cracked, and he tilted his head to the stars above. “I won’t ever see you again.”

Alex had an inscrutable look on his face as he stared at Michael, who was breathlessly awaiting a response, anything.

“Marry me,” Alex finally said, and the request lingered, heavy in the night air.

Michael was stunned into silence, opening his mouth to speak only when too much time had passed. “I just told you I’m from a different _planet_ , and you...”

Alex smiled. “Okay, you’re right. I have a lot of questions. Like, _a lot_. But here’s the thing. I already know who you are. You’ve already shown me, every single day. And no matter where you come from, I know. I know your heart, and I just know we’re made of the same stuff. It doesn’t change anything.”

“Oh my god, we’re only seventeen, Alex.” Michael’s laugh was more a sigh of relief. “But you know I could never say no to you.”

* * *

With the turquoise Pacific Ocean waves crashing into the bluffs below, Alex and Michael stood facing each other in matching tuxedos on a cliff off Highway 1. Max, as officiant, studied a notebook before them, and their beaming guests, Isobel, Liz, Rosa, Maria, Mimi, and Sanders, faced the couple, dresses whipping in the wind.

Max took his role seriously, radiating an eager and nervous energy. “So, uh, we are gathered here on this beautiful summer day to join Michael and Alex in marriage. Today, they get to celebrate their love in front of all their family. We all know that family goes so much further than blood. Family is measured in love. And there’s no better reminder of that than the people who are here with us right now. I wish I could say I had some wise words about love and marriage to impart, but the reality is that there’s nothing I could say that Michael and Alex don’t already know from the time they’ve spent being deeply in love with each other. So instead, I’d like to read a poem by Mary Oliver that will hopefully say it better than I can.”

He flipped the page and began to read. “‘If you suddenly and unexpectedly feel joy, don’t hesitate. Give in to it. There are plenty of lives and whole towns destroyed or about to be. We are not wise, and not very often kind. And much can never be redeemed. Still, life has some possibility left. Perhaps this is its way of fighting back, that sometimes something happens better than all the riches or power in the world. It could be anything, but very likely you notice it in the instant when love begins. Anyway, that’s often the case. Anyway, whatever it is, don’t be afraid of its plenty. Joy is not made to be a crumb.’”

When he looked up, his eyes met Michael’s, which were warm with gratitude. He smiled and closed the book. “And now, the grooms have prepared vows that they will read now.”

Alex reached into his pocket to retrieve a neatly folded piece of paper without breaking eye contact with the man in front of him.

“Michael,” Alex smiled as it finally started to sink in. “I used to think that happiness was for other people, but not for me. That it didn’t matter what I wanted, because I would never get it anyway. But then you came into my life.” He laughed. “I tried really hard not to fall for you, actually. But I couldn’t go through with it, obviously. You really saw me, past the labels and everything, accepted me for who I was. You made me feel loved, and I finally felt like I belonged somewhere, and that place was with you. It still feels too good to be true sometimes. That I get to love you. I'm going to spend the rest of my life making sure that you know that.”

Alex’s vision blurred as the tears set in.

“I promise to be your family. I promise to be someone you can always come home to. I promise to _be_ your home. Whether we’re together or apart, through the good and the bad, I’m yours, forever. I love you, Michael Guerin.”

Alex looked into Michael’s eyes and smiled. Michael responded by blinking away the start of tears before clearing his throat and letting out a short laugh of disbelief. He was going to wing it.

“Um so, I never really saw myself at anybody’s wedding, especially not my own. Like, I’ve gotta be honest. People suck. And, uh, I was kind of over it. But then I met you, Alex, and you were just the opposite of everything I thought I knew about people. I was so cocky before, about people and the world, and meeting you made me the most insecure I’d ever been.” He paused. “I mean that in a good way.”

Isobel suppressed a chuckle.

“Because you made me realize that there’s so much that I didn’t know. And, you know what? I still don’t. Like, I don’t know if I’ll be good enough for you. I don’t know if I’ll always be able to see through you when you’re being, like, a self-sacrificing idiot. I don’t know if I’ll always do the right thing. And that’s terrifying. Because I’ve never cared about anything, anyone, as much as I care about you.”

Michael’s voice wavered at the last part, and he attempted a laugh to pull himself together.

“But here’s what I do know. I know we can handle whatever trials come our way. I know that we’ve built something that can get us through anything. I love you, Alex Manes, more than anything else in the entire universe, and I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you. I don’t know what’s ahead for us, and that’s okay. I know we’ll face it together. No matter what happens next.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry for watching so much One Tree Hill in my youth.
> 
> This chapter was inspired by Existentialism on Prom Night by Straylight Run, Iris by the Goo Goo Dolls, and The Great Unknown by Mighty Oaks.
> 
> So, this is it! Thanks so much for reading and commenting, it’s been really nice to write a story like this and know that it has an audience. Not to be redundant, but I think I just wanted to drive home the point that you can still find happiness despite all the bad things that can happen in this world.
> 
> I may be fresh out of plot bunnies for a while, but never say never...

**Author's Note:**

> You can always hit me up on Tumblr [@bydayornight](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/bydayornight)


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